I looked at my toes and noticed it was time to get a pedicure. I am not the only woman who gets a pedicure, but I am often the only one who needs it because she cannot do it herself. I am too big, my belly is in the way and my arms are not long enough. It’s hard to confess, such a simple task is so hard on me.
It was just me and my toes and the desperate wish to be able to do it. I am 11 pounds lighter now; I have over 100 lbs to lose -still- I felt cocky and very confident.
I chose the nail polish, grabbed the scissors and all the other utensils and marched into my living room. I had a plan. I would sit on a chair, and I would put my foot up on the ottoman, this way I wouldn’t have to bend down too much. Easy, breezy lemon squeezy!
At least theoretically!
What followed was just another lesson in humiliation. Cuttings my toenails and painting them was torture. It reminded me of the circus act at Cirque du Soleil. I felt like I was forced to bend beyond my capability -and even further.
Obesity -I can’t even begin to explain how much I hate this word. It’s me -I am obese. Everyday tasks have gotten more complicated and somehow, instead of FACING THE MUSIC I looked for an easy way out.
I didn’t give up today. I didn’t give in. I got the job done. Painted from every angle, I could think of. How embarrassing it is if you have to paint your toes on the side of your body, while your foot is sticking out at an unhealthy angle. How pathetic to sit there for a whole hour trying to reach your feet.
Running away from my problem would have been so easy. Just grab the car keys and drive to the nail place. I didn’t want to. I closed my eyes and ran away for too long.
I got it done. My fat, little beautiful toes shine in the new burgundy color I wanted to try.
There will be more pathetic moments in the future, and there will be more embarrassing times. I have to deal with it. I am a big girl (literally). I can handle it.
God am I tired of being so big.