I’ve noticed when it comes to a healthy lifestyle I maintain an all or nothing approach. The light switch is either flipped to on, where I’m all in and give 100% to diet and exercise, or it’s flipped off. Then the workouts are absent and the urge to binge eating over rolls me like a tsunami.
I have done so well for almost two weeks, then I fell off the wagon and when I fall – I fall all the way. Right then, when I was close to finally see the “2” in front of my weight, my new lifestyle came to a screeching hold and before I knew it, I went back to my old -bad- habits.
I know it’s not realistic to keep that switch on all the time because eventually you’ll either burn the bulb or run out of power. My focus has been on finding that dimmer switch. It’s that state where I am right in the middle with a maintainable lifestyle, but I can still adjust the switch based on my surroundings.
Today is now day 5 binge free. I prepared healthy meals -all of them gluten and dairy free and I juice once a day. I try not to let myself go hungry, because then I feel trapped like a tiger in a cage and all I think off is breaking out -of my daily routine.
Binge Eating and overeating starts in my brain. The wish and desire to have everything that I am not supposed to eat is so overwhelming. So is the guilt afterward.
I need to let go of gluten and dairy for at least 30 days. 30 days in a lifetime, that’s nothing. I try to focus on what I will gain. I am ready and I will try over and over until I will succeed.
The one word that keeps coming to my mind is peace. Internally I feel a lot less stressed. I don’t feel controlled by my next binge, and I am not scheduling my entire day around food. The best feeling is waking up in the morning and not feeling bloated and disgusting.
I was so afraid that my binges were something that I could not control, but every binge free day makes me feel a little bit stronger. I just keep reminding myself that it’s a temporary urge. I will be okay. Take a deep breath. I am stronger than I thought, and now is the time to prove it.
I want this. I want this so bad.