Obesity and Weightloss

Big Girls Do Cry

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I am always the clown, the one who is in a good mood and tries to lift others up. Today in the morning I tried to lift myself up –literally- and I couldn’t. I couldn’t lift my own weight up, had to hold on to the nightstand to get back on my feet.  Searching under the bed for a missing sock had turned out to be too much to handle

The 11 pounds I have lost all of a sudden meant very little. They don’t even show. It’s just a number on the scale. My mood went from 100 backward to 0 in just a few seconds. Who am I kidding? I am so big -I am almost immobile. I have to sit down all the time, can’t even clean a room without taking breaks.

Giving up would be so easy right now. “Just don’t sign in anymore, go to the fridge and eat yourself happy.”

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I felt so down, just sat there in my misery and couldn’t hold back the tears. GIVE UP the voice inside me whispered, and I thought about it.

I promised myself to lose weight! I set a goal -set a deadline!

Changing me and losing weight, it’s not going to be an easy task; the transformation from obese to normal will take a while. I want this so bad -being fat is exhausting. I am tired of being trapped under a layer of fat.

Then why do I think about giving up?

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I finished cleaning the bedroom, walked by the mirror and lifted my shirt. It’s not pretty.  GIVE UP the voice whispered again and all of a sudden it hit me. I have given up a long time ago. I gave up taking care of myself many years ago. Years ago I gave up and never talked about it. I just let it happen.

It’s not so easy to confess tears if you are my age.  It’s easier to hide emotions. I have eaten my emotions away for too long, time to face the music.

I am frustrated today, there you go, that’s what I am feeling! Here on my blog, I can write about it. My blog, my kingdom, my therapy session.

Many tears will be shed on my way. Some I will feel coming, others will take me by surprise like today. I need to give myself permission to live through all of the mixed emotions. I need to talk about it when I feel sad, and I have to share my laughter and my success.

Big girls do cry, and there is nothing wrong with it. I am here to stay through laughter and tears.

I am not giving up!

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2 thoughts on “Big Girls Do Cry”

  1. No giving up. Everything worth doing is hard. 11 pounds is an amazing accomplishment whether you see it or not. One pound is equal to 3,500 calories. 11 pounds is 38,500 calories! That’s like not eating for 20 days straight on a 2,000 calorie diet. That is really amazing, keep going!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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