If you don’t like the answer, don’t ask the question. What a silly statement or perhaps it isn’t? I suppose it means we should always expect the worst (Answer) -no matter what? But wouldn’t that be a total contradiction of how I want to be?
The open-minded, positive thinker who is optimistically searching to find the silver lining in every dark cloud there might be. Well, maybe it’s just me, and I am the unicorn at a party of dragons, knowing that I will be burned at the end -no matter what. Time to wake up and a reality, Pumpkin!
I stopped writing for a few weeks. I thought I needed to get a few facts about me straight first. Oh, how I would have liked to pretend a little bit longer. My perfect little word got shaken, my rose-colored glasses stopped working.
I am sicker than I wanted to admit. Rheumatoid Arthritis has taken over parts of my body and has started to cripple me more than I wanted to acknowledge.
My fingers have started to show signs of deformation and inflammation. They are swollen 24/7, and very stiff. My eyes are always puffy, my sinuses always clogged. Rheumatoid Arthritis attacks the small joints first, and I am no exception. My ankles and toes feel almost the same. A form of stiffness and numbness has taken over, and I feel often uneasy walking.
None of this is good.
I have an appointment with a Rheumatologist in October. Finally, I have caved in, have admitted that I might need help. It will cost us dearly. Just the visit alone will run around $1,000. The tests and labwork won’t be cheap either. I have no idea how to afford it all. I just know we won’t be able any of the Medications they advertise daily on TV.
I have kept the 19 pounds off for a while but went back to eating everything besides the kitchen sink two weeks ago.
I feel sorry for myself. How unkind life has been. Why me? (Why not?)
I have regained 8 pounds with my pity parties. Eating healthy has made me feel better. Food and my health are related and I don’t like it. I don’t like it a bit. A kingdom for a pill, please.
Well, I don’t have a kingdom, no wonder I can’t afford the pill.
My marriage is on shaky ground. After so many years of living happily ever after, I started examining my role in this relationship and with that, I started wondering about Prince Charming beside me.
Aging and retirement have been on my mind, and I pictured us ten years from now.
I didn’t like the way I would be and I didn’t like the US neither. Things have to change. First and foremost me, I have to change my ways and not just temporarily.
Things in our marriage have to change. I don’t want to get old like this. I am still a romantic, little girl deep down inside.
I have spoken up more than once, and we had a few arguments. I know I got a few points across, and so did he. Did I always like his answer. No. Come to find out, I am not as innocent as I thought I was. It takes two to Tango!
Tomorrow I will reset my counter and my goal. I will write honestly about my feelings, my pain level, my marriage and the emotional turmoil I am living right now.
Most importantly, I will stop messing around with my weight and health.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!